Paranoia

It has been so long, for.... a lot of things.   I hate not knowing what is going on with my life and it seems like lately that is all that is happening.  I have no idea what's happening with jobs,  my faith, my life in general and it is really starting to eat away at me.    I'm really not sure where I'm going from here and am just asking for some prayer and maybe even a suggestion or two......

Hello World!

                       So I never thought I would be sitting in an apartment in Frederick, Maryland typing up this blog.  As my travels are coming to a close and I will be headed back home soon I just wanted to take a minute to take a step back and praise God for what he has done in my life in the past 8 months.   On new years eve I was sitting in a house with some dear friends, trying to figure out just where in the heck my life was going.   At that point, it was going nowhere and man I was happy to pieces about it.  Over these months, God has really led me to places I never would of imagined myself.   I mean Georgia?! Come on.... and for years I have told my sister I was going to come visit her on the east coast with no actual intentions of doing so.  But now I'm here(Yes I felt the earthquake, no it was nothing special).
                     It just goes to show that you can never fully experience what God has in store for you until you can fully place your life, your heart, your soul into His hands.  This Summer has been such a growing experience and man, the fruits have been jaw dropping.  It has fully instilled in my heart that my calling is to children's ministry.  I have so much stacked against me, but God doesn't call us to take the easy path. And that's boring anyway :)  To jump out of your comfort zone isn't a choice, it's a necessity.   Why stay safe when you can be out experiencing God's creation first hand?
                 Home...... So many times this term has mulled over and over in my head.  To come up with a set in stone definition has been so hard.   When I left home(Oregon) I thought things would change, that going to a new place would not be home.  It would be a temporary dwelling in my continual search for a new home.   But I could not have been more wrong. Within hours of being at Camp I felt like it was home. My feeling of home turned from a physical place to a metaphorical being.  Home isn't a location, it's an idea, a movement, an all encompassing unconditional love between people.   As Christians we can leave our physical home but this is God's creation.  Everywhere we go is home.  A suburban home in Tigard,  A low income apartment in downtown Atlanta,  A hut in the middle of Burma.  Everywhere is sustained by the very breath of God and we will never be homeless in His arms.  
             All that being said I am so ready to be back at my physical home.  To be in my bed with MY puppy(my mom can claim her as much as she wants, but shes mine).  So that being said I have a surprise for everyone that actually reads this.  I will be home on the 28th of the month and staying for the forseeable future.  I couldn't keep it any longer and will probably be tagging a few people in this post so they can know :)   So other than a short trip to Montana to visit a rather special lady in my life(ask me about it and I will tell you if you want to know, crazy story)  I will be home for good.
  

Bashing my head against a brick wall

You know those days, weeks, months, seasons, years where you just feel like you are angry and want to listen to rage music all the time?   Well for me that has been my past week.   I never thought I would of run into a situation where I literally want to punch a wall to get a point across(I didn't, that's stupid).   It's so frustrating to sit back and watch a friend make a choice not of their own will, but from another person.  To ask them  if what they are doing is truly what their heart and God is telling them to do and have them say, "I don't know." Just ugh, if you are reading this all I want is for you to be happy and joyful in the Lord.   I pray the choice you made will do that.
Now that I am done ranting about that I will try and update everyone as much as I can from my last post which was a wicked long time ago.   Well... camp is over and with any camp I have ever worked it is bittersweet.   I finally more than a day to take a deep breath and rest in the Lord, but the kids are gone.....  the very reason I was brought here in the first place is done for now.   I turn this page of my life and there it is, another blank page to fill with my story.  Ever gotten writers block?  Well right now, and I feel like just perpetually I am in a life block.   I have never been able to plan ahead and that, yet again, is the case.  Where I go from here  God only knows.    I have been living at camp for about a week and a half now, and I'm going to be totally honest in saying that it basically sucks.   I love this place with all my heart and it is such a beautiful creation from God, but man without little kids running around, without counselors to welcome me in the morning with a smile and a hug...... it is not fun.   Well I think it is about time for a lap around camp to start saying my goodbyes.   Cya folks

Wished these had all been happy posts

But today has been less than good for me.   The past few Sundays have been rough to say the least.   I feel myself reverting back in my old camp self on the weekend which was sleep, sleep and more sleep.   It's all I do, and if I don't get invited to go somewhere it just adds fuel to the fire.  I'm without a car in the middle of nowhere.....what could I do, o ya sleep.  Anyways a quick update on camp.  The past two weeks were pretty awesome due to the fact that they were high school aged kids so we could really dive in.  I really saw a lot of change in some of the kids and we even were able to give a kid a guitar!(thanks alysson)  

Back to my rant.   I feel more and more of why I wanted to get out of Oregon following me here.   The summer is on the downhill side and the staff out here and starting to pick and choose who or what they will be doing that weekend.    More Sundays than not I have found myself laying in bed.   I guess I just give off a vibe that I don't want to be social.  I mean it must be me right?  Yet again friendship circles have formed and I find myself on the outside looking in.   I feel like everyone goes through this so I really shouldn't be saying it, but it just haunts me.   So just pray for my overthinking mind...... ugh

Another Week has come to close

Can I just restate how epicly fast this summer is going by?  I feel like I closed my eyes and half the summer flew by.....no really, I'm already halfway done with my summer of camp here in Georgia.  This past week was especially eventful because we had some very special visitors.  The Road Less Traveled: the mission crew from Eugene, Oregon spent the week with us.    I had been a little worried at first at how they would fit in with our group out here and man I never should of worried at all.  They were such an encouragement to all of our staff and the campers(high school boys) definitely benefited from their presence.    I loved having my two families from two corners of the United states come together and be a family.
So with the summer coming to it's halfway point, I have noticed some things.  People are starting to get comfortable with one another and the more they get comfortable, the more problems with one another arise.  I'd just ask for prayer in the fact that these problems would be a small road bump in the journey of our crew, not a wall.  I am starting to feel myself settle into my position and sort of getting lazy.  I am thankful for the fact that I have noticed it and am able to address it now.  I have to stay vigilant in my job if I am to succeed and also break myself of my lethargic mood.  

 So yesterday basically everyone as a staff went a place called Stone Mountain.  It's a state park here and I wasn't expecting a ton.  Just a few things about the place.  The mountain is huge,  it was totally packed, and laser shows, no matter how big still make me feel like I'm on an acid trip.  All in all it was a pretty fun trip but I was tired at the end of the night.   Anyways if you have questions feel free to ask!  Till next time.....

Been a while

So last weekend was chalk full of stuff so I didn't get a chance to update this but I'll try and pack two weeks into a short synopsis.    Last week we had quite a few hispanic kids and they were for lack of a better word.... angels.  They listened for the most part, when it came to cleaning they would actually clean up their area, not just shove stuff into their bags, and were just all around great kids.  There was a little man named Jesus that had muscular dystrophy and had a wheelchair with him for the week.  Camp has a lot of gravel roads and so we figured we were going to have a rough time getting him around.   We decided as a leadership staff that Jesus would have his own personal golf cart for the week and that he was going to get to do everything he wanted.  This little guy had the rest head on his shoulders.  Such a blessing to have a kid with so little, be so kind and joyful.  I loved every minute I spent with Jesus.

As for this week.   We had some kids from inner city Atlanta that have very rough backgrounds and......   20 or so kids from Nepal who barely knew english, some had only been in the country for a week,  O and did I mention that most of them were Hindu?  Yeah.....crazy stuff.    The entire week was full of obstacles.  Language barriers, religious differences,  dietary needs.    I was so humbled by our staff and the love they poured out to all of these kids.   At times it seemed like there was literally a battle being fought between the older hindu's and out staff.   I had to remind myself constantly that I wasn't fighting the kids, I was fighting the devil.   By the end of the week, almost all of the children were asking questions about Jesus and wanting to know more.  

In my eyes just peaking their curiosity was a huge victory.  We are not here to radically change someones life, we are here to plant the seed that could one day flourish in God's favor.   I've been here 6 weeks now and am still loving it.   Keep in touch!

First week

So the first week has drawn to a close.   I have been so blessed to be able to sit back and watch these people share the gospel with the young ones.   Today was a bittersweet day.  A lot of the counselors out here are first time counselors and to watch them say goodbye to these kids they spent the week with was pretty heart breaker.   The camp is so small that it's very hard to not learn a big portion of the kids name and stories. 

It's funny because it was probably the closest I've been to tears in a long time.  For a few minutes there I laid back and let all the goodbyes I have ever said to campers wash over me.  How back then, it didn't seem to sting as much as it did to these people in my life right now.   That says a ton about their character.   A few counselors were pushed to their limits this week.  We had a few campers that were pretty crazy(as anybody that has worked at a camp will tell you happens every week).   Our group came together and lifted them up in their burdens it was just awe inspiring to work with these people. 

Dear Chris what you said inspired me to tell a few little stories about you this week.  So my friend Chris is about 6"7 and he had the youngest boys on camp this week.   If any one of them got on anothers shoulders they still wouldn;t even be as close in height to them.    Hmm what story should i tell first.....  How about every day when you had your kids line up outside with their arms out and made sure they were all nice and covered with sunscreen.  Or maybe when your camper didn't quite make it to the bathroom so you poured water on him to make sure he didn't get embaressed. Every time I saw you, you looked pretty worn out.  And there is a very specific reason for that.   Not because you stayed up late, or spent your time laying out in the sun.  You poured everything you had into those kids and for that you got planted that tiny little seed.  The seed that will hopefully one day blossom into a strong christian built on the foundations of the attitude and full trust in God that you showed those campers.  That good enough for ya? ;)
In closing I just want to say that this weekend is about rest.  So I pray my fellow counselors are doing that exact thing.   Goodbye for now people and have a wonderful weekend.