Paranoia

It has been so long, for.... a lot of things.   I hate not knowing what is going on with my life and it seems like lately that is all that is happening.  I have no idea what's happening with jobs,  my faith, my life in general and it is really starting to eat away at me.    I'm really not sure where I'm going from here and am just asking for some prayer and maybe even a suggestion or two......

Hello World!

                       So I never thought I would be sitting in an apartment in Frederick, Maryland typing up this blog.  As my travels are coming to a close and I will be headed back home soon I just wanted to take a minute to take a step back and praise God for what he has done in my life in the past 8 months.   On new years eve I was sitting in a house with some dear friends, trying to figure out just where in the heck my life was going.   At that point, it was going nowhere and man I was happy to pieces about it.  Over these months, God has really led me to places I never would of imagined myself.   I mean Georgia?! Come on.... and for years I have told my sister I was going to come visit her on the east coast with no actual intentions of doing so.  But now I'm here(Yes I felt the earthquake, no it was nothing special).
                     It just goes to show that you can never fully experience what God has in store for you until you can fully place your life, your heart, your soul into His hands.  This Summer has been such a growing experience and man, the fruits have been jaw dropping.  It has fully instilled in my heart that my calling is to children's ministry.  I have so much stacked against me, but God doesn't call us to take the easy path. And that's boring anyway :)  To jump out of your comfort zone isn't a choice, it's a necessity.   Why stay safe when you can be out experiencing God's creation first hand?
                 Home...... So many times this term has mulled over and over in my head.  To come up with a set in stone definition has been so hard.   When I left home(Oregon) I thought things would change, that going to a new place would not be home.  It would be a temporary dwelling in my continual search for a new home.   But I could not have been more wrong. Within hours of being at Camp I felt like it was home. My feeling of home turned from a physical place to a metaphorical being.  Home isn't a location, it's an idea, a movement, an all encompassing unconditional love between people.   As Christians we can leave our physical home but this is God's creation.  Everywhere we go is home.  A suburban home in Tigard,  A low income apartment in downtown Atlanta,  A hut in the middle of Burma.  Everywhere is sustained by the very breath of God and we will never be homeless in His arms.  
             All that being said I am so ready to be back at my physical home.  To be in my bed with MY puppy(my mom can claim her as much as she wants, but shes mine).  So that being said I have a surprise for everyone that actually reads this.  I will be home on the 28th of the month and staying for the forseeable future.  I couldn't keep it any longer and will probably be tagging a few people in this post so they can know :)   So other than a short trip to Montana to visit a rather special lady in my life(ask me about it and I will tell you if you want to know, crazy story)  I will be home for good.
  

Bashing my head against a brick wall

You know those days, weeks, months, seasons, years where you just feel like you are angry and want to listen to rage music all the time?   Well for me that has been my past week.   I never thought I would of run into a situation where I literally want to punch a wall to get a point across(I didn't, that's stupid).   It's so frustrating to sit back and watch a friend make a choice not of their own will, but from another person.  To ask them  if what they are doing is truly what their heart and God is telling them to do and have them say, "I don't know." Just ugh, if you are reading this all I want is for you to be happy and joyful in the Lord.   I pray the choice you made will do that.
Now that I am done ranting about that I will try and update everyone as much as I can from my last post which was a wicked long time ago.   Well... camp is over and with any camp I have ever worked it is bittersweet.   I finally more than a day to take a deep breath and rest in the Lord, but the kids are gone.....  the very reason I was brought here in the first place is done for now.   I turn this page of my life and there it is, another blank page to fill with my story.  Ever gotten writers block?  Well right now, and I feel like just perpetually I am in a life block.   I have never been able to plan ahead and that, yet again, is the case.  Where I go from here  God only knows.    I have been living at camp for about a week and a half now, and I'm going to be totally honest in saying that it basically sucks.   I love this place with all my heart and it is such a beautiful creation from God, but man without little kids running around, without counselors to welcome me in the morning with a smile and a hug...... it is not fun.   Well I think it is about time for a lap around camp to start saying my goodbyes.   Cya folks

Wished these had all been happy posts

But today has been less than good for me.   The past few Sundays have been rough to say the least.   I feel myself reverting back in my old camp self on the weekend which was sleep, sleep and more sleep.   It's all I do, and if I don't get invited to go somewhere it just adds fuel to the fire.  I'm without a car in the middle of nowhere.....what could I do, o ya sleep.  Anyways a quick update on camp.  The past two weeks were pretty awesome due to the fact that they were high school aged kids so we could really dive in.  I really saw a lot of change in some of the kids and we even were able to give a kid a guitar!(thanks alysson)  

Back to my rant.   I feel more and more of why I wanted to get out of Oregon following me here.   The summer is on the downhill side and the staff out here and starting to pick and choose who or what they will be doing that weekend.    More Sundays than not I have found myself laying in bed.   I guess I just give off a vibe that I don't want to be social.  I mean it must be me right?  Yet again friendship circles have formed and I find myself on the outside looking in.   I feel like everyone goes through this so I really shouldn't be saying it, but it just haunts me.   So just pray for my overthinking mind...... ugh

Another Week has come to close

Can I just restate how epicly fast this summer is going by?  I feel like I closed my eyes and half the summer flew by.....no really, I'm already halfway done with my summer of camp here in Georgia.  This past week was especially eventful because we had some very special visitors.  The Road Less Traveled: the mission crew from Eugene, Oregon spent the week with us.    I had been a little worried at first at how they would fit in with our group out here and man I never should of worried at all.  They were such an encouragement to all of our staff and the campers(high school boys) definitely benefited from their presence.    I loved having my two families from two corners of the United states come together and be a family.
So with the summer coming to it's halfway point, I have noticed some things.  People are starting to get comfortable with one another and the more they get comfortable, the more problems with one another arise.  I'd just ask for prayer in the fact that these problems would be a small road bump in the journey of our crew, not a wall.  I am starting to feel myself settle into my position and sort of getting lazy.  I am thankful for the fact that I have noticed it and am able to address it now.  I have to stay vigilant in my job if I am to succeed and also break myself of my lethargic mood.  

 So yesterday basically everyone as a staff went a place called Stone Mountain.  It's a state park here and I wasn't expecting a ton.  Just a few things about the place.  The mountain is huge,  it was totally packed, and laser shows, no matter how big still make me feel like I'm on an acid trip.  All in all it was a pretty fun trip but I was tired at the end of the night.   Anyways if you have questions feel free to ask!  Till next time.....

Been a while

So last weekend was chalk full of stuff so I didn't get a chance to update this but I'll try and pack two weeks into a short synopsis.    Last week we had quite a few hispanic kids and they were for lack of a better word.... angels.  They listened for the most part, when it came to cleaning they would actually clean up their area, not just shove stuff into their bags, and were just all around great kids.  There was a little man named Jesus that had muscular dystrophy and had a wheelchair with him for the week.  Camp has a lot of gravel roads and so we figured we were going to have a rough time getting him around.   We decided as a leadership staff that Jesus would have his own personal golf cart for the week and that he was going to get to do everything he wanted.  This little guy had the rest head on his shoulders.  Such a blessing to have a kid with so little, be so kind and joyful.  I loved every minute I spent with Jesus.

As for this week.   We had some kids from inner city Atlanta that have very rough backgrounds and......   20 or so kids from Nepal who barely knew english, some had only been in the country for a week,  O and did I mention that most of them were Hindu?  Yeah.....crazy stuff.    The entire week was full of obstacles.  Language barriers, religious differences,  dietary needs.    I was so humbled by our staff and the love they poured out to all of these kids.   At times it seemed like there was literally a battle being fought between the older hindu's and out staff.   I had to remind myself constantly that I wasn't fighting the kids, I was fighting the devil.   By the end of the week, almost all of the children were asking questions about Jesus and wanting to know more.  

In my eyes just peaking their curiosity was a huge victory.  We are not here to radically change someones life, we are here to plant the seed that could one day flourish in God's favor.   I've been here 6 weeks now and am still loving it.   Keep in touch!

First week

So the first week has drawn to a close.   I have been so blessed to be able to sit back and watch these people share the gospel with the young ones.   Today was a bittersweet day.  A lot of the counselors out here are first time counselors and to watch them say goodbye to these kids they spent the week with was pretty heart breaker.   The camp is so small that it's very hard to not learn a big portion of the kids name and stories. 

It's funny because it was probably the closest I've been to tears in a long time.  For a few minutes there I laid back and let all the goodbyes I have ever said to campers wash over me.  How back then, it didn't seem to sting as much as it did to these people in my life right now.   That says a ton about their character.   A few counselors were pushed to their limits this week.  We had a few campers that were pretty crazy(as anybody that has worked at a camp will tell you happens every week).   Our group came together and lifted them up in their burdens it was just awe inspiring to work with these people. 

Dear Chris what you said inspired me to tell a few little stories about you this week.  So my friend Chris is about 6"7 and he had the youngest boys on camp this week.   If any one of them got on anothers shoulders they still wouldn;t even be as close in height to them.    Hmm what story should i tell first.....  How about every day when you had your kids line up outside with their arms out and made sure they were all nice and covered with sunscreen.  Or maybe when your camper didn't quite make it to the bathroom so you poured water on him to make sure he didn't get embaressed. Every time I saw you, you looked pretty worn out.  And there is a very specific reason for that.   Not because you stayed up late, or spent your time laying out in the sun.  You poured everything you had into those kids and for that you got planted that tiny little seed.  The seed that will hopefully one day blossom into a strong christian built on the foundations of the attitude and full trust in God that you showed those campers.  That good enough for ya? ;)
In closing I just want to say that this weekend is about rest.  So I pray my fellow counselors are doing that exact thing.   Goodbye for now people and have a wonderful weekend.

Kids are here

So by the rate that this summer is going I'm going to open my eyes tommorrow and it will all be over.  The kids showed up on Sunday and it was such a great experience to meet them for the first time and see the joy they have in their eyes.   Sadly we had an entire ministry( about 20 kids) decide not to come but in the next 3 days Collette got in contact with a local pastor who in a 24 hour period had brought out 17 kids from his ministry.  It was amazing to watch kids hop off those vans that showed up a day and 2 days late and just have such a big smile that they were able to go to camp.   Camper population is at 51 right now, which is what a typical week will look like out here.  Hopefully as summer progresses we start packing out the cabins with kids ready to hear and see the gospel. 

It has been a privilege to sit back and watch most of these first time counselors interact with these kids.   You can see the mommy and daddy instincts come out in all of them.    I really can't say enough how blessed I am and will be to be around such a servanthood minded group. 

Last night we had a pretty big storm come through camp.   Well for me it was big.   A ton of wind and lightning was going on around camp and the power went out a few times.    Luckily it happened just after lights out so most of the kids were asleep and we didn't have an frightened little ones.   But man that wind was blowing hard.   At one point I found myself chasing a kiddy pool through the dark Georgia night.   Lucas went around camp this morning and sadly out wet willy slide( which literally was in working condition for a day and half) is torn apart and will be needing some repair badly in the close future.   A few trees fell here and there but for the most part God kept this camp safe.  I cannot thank him enough for that.

Well friends that's about all I have time for but if you have any questions please feel free to ask!
In Him

It's almost here!

Hey everybody!   So the past 10 days has flown by and I have so many stories to share but only a few will suffice for now.   It has been amazing to be a part of people that has grown together so quickly and so strongly.   I've heard it said multiple times from others and also feel the same in the fact that even though we have only all known each other for a week or so now that it is like we have all been friends for years.  To sit back and watch the brother and sisterhood develop has been awesome.  And then to see the respect and love between both groups has been such a great experience.  So now to 2 stories that have touched me and have been on my heart as of late.

About 2 days into everyone being here some of us had noticed that our fellow counselor Ronnell "Big
Ron" had been wearing socks literally everywhere.  He even wore them in the pool!  Well that night someone did some digging and found out that Ron had been pranked in his sleep and his toenails had been painted.   He was too embarressed to take off his socks in front of these new people with painted toe nails.   So a bunch of the guys(myself included) decided that we should also paint our toenails so Ron wouldn't need be afraid.  After we got them done we showed Ron and you could tell he just had a huge weight lifted off his shoulders.  

Last Saturday we had the wonderful opportunity of going into Macon(the closest city, from what I have seen it is the same basic size as Eugene) because there was a wedding being held on the camp grounds and we figured that they didn't want a bunch of college aged kids around.  So we go into town, get some food, and then the directors decided to give everyone on staff 10 bucks to buy whatever sort of costume we could put together in Goodwill.  It was a ton of fun to see everyone's creativity and we got some awesome looks from the locals.   Anyways the best part of the day was going to our Waterfront Director's house which is on a lake.   She has a dock and a boathouse right out back where we could jump into the water and have some fun.  Well I discovered quickly that the water was just deep enough that you could jump off the boathouse in and be completely safe.   So I went a few times and then more of the counselors started coming up and doing the same.   Then Megan came up.  Megan is the youngest on staff out here and I kind of see her as a little sister.   She was terrified of the jump and quickly got down.   After some convincing I got her to go back up and sit at the edge.  After about 15 minutes of chatting and encouragment from everyone else she jumped!   It is such a small thing in the scope of things but for her and me it was a huge step and I was so stoked for her.

Also that day at the lake was my first encounter with a snake in Georgia.  I was chatting with some people and I look over at the other side of the group and I see one of the girl counselors(Libby) staring at the ground right behind my feet.  I turn just in time to see a 3 to 4 foot black snake passing by my foot.  Needless to say I got a little freaked out and did the heeby jeeby dance a few times.   As I later found out the snake wasn't poisonous and basically wouldn't of done anything anyway, still really freaky.  

Well training came to a close on Friday night with the only way I can ever see a camp ending.  A Campfire.  As I stared into the flames everybody shared their testimonies.  This took a very long time, but was so worth it.  To sit there and hear countless stories of heartache, anger, abandonment, and then to hear that God has chosen that person to come to camp and serve is amazing.   We all have such different stories but in every story there is one thing we share.  The Cross.  His love poured out onto Calvary for our sin.  So blessed. 

Training is over, but the war is just beginning.  I can't sugar coat it, I don't want to.  We are soldiers in this battle, the person to my right and left our on the frontlines with me.  We are a mighty force.  Our weapon is His love story and our battle cry of prayer echoes across this camp.   We bring aid to the tired and weary masses whose bodies cry out for the Living word. Our leader is a wrathful, vengeful God who will fight to the end to win more to His cause so that He may pour out more of his mercy and love upon us.     

Cornucopia

Hello everyone!  So basically the past few days has flown by.  Every single  member of staff is here now.   Over the past few days a few of our counselors have gone through and been certified for lifeguarding for the summer.  Every person that took the test passed which is truly a blessing. There is a wedding on the grounds on Saturday, which was planned last minute and has somewhat thrown a wrench into the cog of training.  But we are being gracious hosts and the people seem really nice.   After this wedding is over and moved off the grounds it is all camp all the time which I am so excited about.

What's crazy about this staff is I'm pretty sure that no one came here knowing more than 2 people.  These people have come out here with their faith in God alone and we are all depending on him in these few days to bring us together as a family in Christ for these kids.  We are seeming to mesh really well and it is awesome to just sit back and watch all these strangers come together so quickly.   I would just ask for prayer for the first drama that happens among us(it's not a matter of if, it's when sadly)  that we would be be able to handle it according to scripture and come to one another in love. 

A verse that has been on my heart as of late and just something I have been questioning about myself is 1 Corinthians 13:3.
If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned,^[a] but have not love, I gain nothing.
As Christians we are called to love all.   The message of the Gospel all boils down to love.   It never fails.  As the summer progress's these counselors and myself will be attacked and get frustrated.  I'd just pray that in these times they remember why they are here.  To love on these kids in every way possible.  In daily life being with these kids that we can love on them through having fun with them, sharing in heartaches, even down to disciplining them.  Some of these kids are verbally and physically abused on a daily basis for no reason at all.  We want to discipline these kids, but give them a reason and do it in love. 
You guys are awesome I love you and letters and packages are always welcomed with open arms!  Here is the address.   2559 Walkers Chapel Rd.  Roberta,GA 31078

Everyone is here

Hey guys thought I would give a quick update on everything going on out here.  The past week has literally flown by and there have been so many moments to mention.  My roommate for the summer has shown up.  His name is Darrin and he is originally from Pennsylvannia but attended school at Troy University in Alabama.  He has a BA in Poly Sci and is just an all around awesome guy.  In the few days we have been able to hang out I have witnessed him barehandedly clean out a trash can for one reason or another.  When we go into town he always has a smile and hello for everyone walking by.  I cannot wait for some of his traits to wear off on me.   I also have met my "partner in crime" for the summer, her name is Lauren and she is pretty dang awesome.  She is the head lifeguard for the summer and will also be helping me with games.  Man there is so much I want to talk about that God has been blessing me with lately.

So Darrin has a Jeep that we have been taking full advantage of.  From trips into town to throwing off the top and riding on some back roads.  My favorite use of it though has been to go to a close by hill on camp and watch the sunset.

There it is in all it's beautiful glory.  It's so crazy how God has taken my life and moved it over 2000 miles and helped me flourish.  I am in love with God and what he is doing.......

Travel and My First Day!

Hey everyone I had some time to sit down so I thought I'd update you on what has happened in the past two days.  So many little tiny obstacles came into my path, but the Lord saw me through it and now I can just laugh at them :)

Travel: So here I am sitting in my plane waiting to take off from PDX when the pilot gets on the intercom.  "Ladies and Gentlemen it seems that the plane in front of us has had some engine trouble, do not panic if you see firetrucks driving past your window."  The plane in front of us was on fire!  The last thing I want to hear right before I take off on not only the longest plane trip of my life, but the only one I have ever taken alone is that this contraption I'm in could burst into flame at any second.   So we sit there for about 10 minutes as they put out the fire(everyone was safe)  and finally hit the runway for takeoff.  This is when I started talking to the lady next to me and figure out what her plans were once we landed in North Carolina.  She was going to the Indy 500, pretty flippin sweet if you ask me.  Anyways I tried to share the gospel a little but this lady was all about the nap on our flight so I left her to hers and I put my earbuds in dozed off as well.  At about 1am our time I wake up and look out my window only to see this massive thunderstorm happening about 50 miles away.  I thought in Oregon they were bad, but from what I could tell wherever it was, was getting pelted with a bolt about every half second. Crazy!  Just goes to show the power of God in our world.  The rest of the pane ride to North Carolina and Atlanta were pretty uneventful.  Then I got into Carrie's car and a whole different adventure began.

So the Camp is about an hour and a half away from Atlanta and we are about an hour into this trip just chatting up and storm and talking about what God has been doing in our lives.  All of sudden the car kind of starts to shudder and lose speed.  Immediately I go into think of where a gas station is mode.  I get about 5 seconds into my thought process and realize I am about 2000 miles away from the closest gas station I could think of.  So that goes out the window.  We come to a slow stop on the shoulder and as luck would have we ran out of gas right next to a weigh station for semi trucks.  So we jaunt over there and tell our awesome story to the nice gentlemen working the booth.  They laugh and of course like the middle aged chaps they are they crack a few jokes.  "You know E stands for empty not enough right?"  After a few chuckles and the story of how this is my first time in Georgia, one of the guys goes to check the gas can to see if they have any extra to get us to the closest station which is literally the next exit as we found out.   Of course God is a jokester and there is no gas in the can, but they are nice enough to offer us a ride the nearest station to get some.   Well there is Carrie and I and the police officer, and only two seats in the front of the patrol car.  Being the gentlemen I am I offer Carrie the front seat and happily hop in the back of the cop car......for the first time.....ever.  Carrie took a few pictures and some video and the rest of that story is bland haha. We get to Camp without anymore trouble after that.

Guys this camp is so much more than I could of asked for.  Like seriously holy smokes I am going to be so blessed to work here this summer.   They have over 200 acres of land to spread out onto and are working on getting another 200.  There is so much stuff here but it is all relatively close.   There is the activity lake where there is the blob, a zipline into the water, and they just started working on a slide that is about 30 feet tall and will shoot you out into the middle of the lake.  Then there is the sports pavilion which is going to house 2 full basketball courts but at the moment is still being worked on.  On the far side of the pavilion is a 20 foot rockwall and a 40 foot rock wall that they have just started building.   Then theres the pool and the older outdoor basketball court with adjustable height rims, can you say dunkfest?   After that there is the high ropes course and archery range along with a canoeing pond which you can fish in as well.  

O I haven't even told you the best part for me.  When I came here I wasn't sure exactly what my living quarters would be.  I was expecting maybe one of the empty cabins, maybe a trailer I would share with a few other guys.  Get this, I have a huge 2 bedroom apartment that I'm going to be sharing with the Men's dean(head counselor) .  It is fully furnished and even has cable tv.    I was floored when I saw it.  I get a queen bed!  I haven't slept in a queen since I was like.....10.  Such a huge blessing.    I can already tell this summer is going to see some crazy growth for me.  I am so excited for everything He is doing in my life....... 

Twinge

So today was the first day of what I'm sure will be many more sad moments where the reality that I was leaving hit me.   Funny enough it wasn't with a person, it was my dogs.   I was doing my usual morning thing getting ready for the day and I usually always take a minute or two to sit down with my two dogs Lucy and Moose.  As everyone says my dogs are the weirdest dogs you will ever meet.  One can wag her tail without shaking her whole body and Moose......he's just moose.  As I sat there giving them their due attention it hit me that I have never gone more than about 3 weeks without seeing them.   We've had Lucy since my sophomore year and up until I had to be out of the house at night, she was my dog.  And Moose We've had literally since he was born.  And it got me to thinking.

My entire life I have always been on the staying home side of my mothers tearful sobs of farewell.  Now if any of my family ever reads this you know exactly what I'm talking about.   Up until about five minutes before a visiting family leaves my mom is holds herself together perfectly fine.  But in the last five minutes she turns into this mass of tears.  I have always just sort of sat back and watched her while laughing a little to myself.  She is just so overcome with these emotions all of a sudden and I can't help but think "Mom, were going to see them soon enough."  But we have always been partners in that way.  She cries, I wave......that's how it goes.  I think a lot of the reason I don't get so worked up is my mom just always does it for me.

This goodbye though......this goodbye is going to be different.  This is the first time in my life I am going to have to look into those tearful eyes and realize I am not going to be walking back into the house with her.  I'm going to be the one getting in the car and getting on a flight.   Man........

In a more light note(haha) the past few weeks have literally been insane with God preparing me in huge ways that I couldn't deny myself from talking about it.  There has been so many things where I sat up at night asking myself if I was really prepared for this and then He decided to throw me into a situation where I had no other way of accepting the fact that He was making me ready. 

On Wednesday I sat down for a normal service at Ekklesia and what I got was more than I could of ever asked for.  Westley did yet another one his awesome sermons and then after he did something that I think I've only seen him do one other time( I haven't gone there long so you lifers can correct me).  He called up all of the prayers leaders in the church that were at the service and called forward any unbelievers,  people that needed to repent,  and people that just needed prayer.  I have gone to churches in my time where this same event had happened and the response was minimal at best.   As I sat there in the second row on Wednesday I was on the brink of tears as I watched person after person walk up to the front and bow their head in prayer with a brother or sister in Christ.  There was a horde of people in the front of the gym.   I could literally feel the power of prayer moving through everyone.  And in between fits of holding back tears and singing as loud as my lungs would allow I would look to my left and see everyone standing up and crying out their praises.  It was just such a powerful moment and instilled in me that this is why I have faith.

So as I hold back tears as I type this.  Tears of sorrow and of hope I yet again want to thank everyone who has brought me up to this point in my life.  The constant encouragement, the gentle rebukes, the times where I just sat there and cried (God knows there's been a lot of those) and you hugged me.  I have fallen so short of the glory but with God's help you have always been that cushion, that hand, that made sure I never hit the cold pavement.   For a prayer request I would just ask that you would keep doing what your doing.  It has not failed you yet.  As I restate it in words that B.O.B. has so awesomely put it.

When did this crawl turn into a dead on sprint?

Seriously..... 14 days, a mere two weeks until I set off on my little adventure.  It seems like this morning I was booking my flight and trying to figure out if this could actually happen.   Man......this is nuts....

It's funny

It's funny what little time it takes a person to realize just how fragile there heart is.   How one small kink in your armor can become the new home of the enemy.  He will sit there and just when you think you are on the up and up, he sucker punches you and knocks you out for the count.  How that tiny little rock on that path of life your running on becomes the main suspect in the crime of a face plant just when you were reaching full stride.


Tonight has been such a roller coaster of emotions and I decided that sitting at home just wasn't an option.  So I drove, and drove, and then drove some more.  All the time praying this would not be the same as always.  The same thing I always do, run. There have been times in my life where I have gotten on the freeway at 2am and considered just driving until I ran out of gas and see where I ended up, start a new life and be the man I thought I should be.   But in the past few months I have realized that running is not even an option.   I know I need to go to Him with all my problems, my worries, my hopes, my dreams.  In time I'm hoping that will happen.  It is a process for me and I still don't know if there will ever be a day where I fully bow to His loving hands.   All I can do is my best to serve him.

See the thing is I have a big heart.  And a big heart takes one big break to ruin it.   But over the years I am pretty sure my heart has been breaking into small pieces and slowly is eroding away.  Those small pieces have been picked up by so many different people from very different walks of life.  Some I know I can never get back and others I know I will when I embrace that person inside the gates of paradise.  Here's to hoping that at the end of my days that more pieces are picked up by people that truly care for me and not just strangers in the crowd.

So my Eve, my Delilah.....there will come a day soon when we will say goodbye.  But as our season together comes to a close I want you to know that without you my heart somehow, won't quite be whole.

Marriage

So this subject has been coming up a ton in my life recently.  And I feel like it's something I need to address from my point of view.   Marriage is such a heavy word, as it should be because it is a LIFETIME commitment to another person.  I feel like Christians from age 18 to 30 have this constant feeling looming over them that they just have to find their wife/husband through church, school, or other ministries.  You feel it from friends, family, maybe even sometimes a pastor will say something that gets you thinking that your mortal clock is ticking and you need to find a significant other to share this life with.  And some of us might even be getting married just to be married(I just want to share that this is not that case with anyone I know, but it could be a very sad reality).There are so many things that have to happen in your life before you can even fathom committing your life to another human being.

First, you need to be married..... haha wait what? you ask.   Well you have to married to Jesus Christ before you even start to think of another person as a future mate.  Guy and Gals alike have of given their hearts over to the Lord to even be able to fathom love.  His love is the best kind you will ever come across.  There is no other that can fulfill your life and soul as much as He does.  So tie the knot with Jesus then let's talk k?

Second, stop looking!  The more you look for a person to be with, the more letdowns you are going to encounter.   Seek the Lord with all your heart and you will find him- Jeremiah 29:13.  If you are truly seeking God  He will reveal to you who you should be with on HIS time, not yours.  In my experience being on a constant search only leads to awkwardness and broken friendships.

Third, and this is for guys,  stop being wuss's! If you are interested in a girl and have prayed about it and it feels like a good time, ask her out!  In our modern society if you take a girl out on a "date" it means your dating, which in my opinion is just silly.   It means you have taken an interest in one another and are seeing if there is any potential for a future relationship.   How can you expect to get to know some one on a more one on one level if you haven't ever just hung out just you and her?  Honestly don't be afraid to ask a girl on a date.  If she says no then respect the fact that she isn't at the point in her walk that she is ready to try dating. Don't get disheartened!  And if she says yes then just relax and be yourself.  That is who she should be interested in anyway.

Lastly I want to leave you with a quote that a good friend told me last week.  Seek your maker, find your mission, wait for your mate.  God has so much in store for you and you just gotta give it up to him and in time he will give you the one you were meant to be with.

Realizing I will always have a ton to say

Hello again everyone. Just had a pretty slow day and figured I would let everyone know about a few more things going on in my life and what has been on my mind as of late.

I've had the privilege over the past few days of talking with a few awesome friends in my life.  On Monday I sat down with Amy Coumas to eat dinner and just discuss some stuff that is happening in our lives and what the summer holds for each of us.  Amy, along with some of my other friends are setting out on June 20th for a mission trip around the United States.  They are called the Road Less Traveled and are just going to be stopping in some cities across the U.S. to take part in helping some communities and even doing some street ministries in a few places.  They are also going to be stopping at Camp Grace for a week which is going to be such a blessing!  I will get to have some friends from home with me for a time and we get to spend the fourth of July together in Georgia, how awesome is that?  They have such awesome hearts for the Lord and the spread of the Gospel.  As they prepare for this journey I'd ask you keep them in your prayers as the trials are starting to come at each of them in full force.  Also Amy shared a great story with me that I might try and adapt into a more serious skit for the kids. 

 Last night I had the great opportunity to sit down(on skype) and talk with Tyler Bierce.  If any of you know him I can already see the smile come across every one of your faces.  It was just awesome to catch up with him and discuss what was in store for each of us in the coming months.  He moved to California after high school and got to sort of reset his life.  He loves everyone here dearly, but at the same time he could would never trade his friends and experiences down there as well.  I can only hope I adapt and feel the same when my time in Georgia comes to an end. 

And finally there is good ole Kevin Keebler.  He is the younger brother of my best friend Brian and over the years him and his brother have just become like family to me.  We can not talk for months and sit down and chat like we have seen each other every day.  He is such a great guy and yet again it was just awesome to catch up and see where his life is going.

Finally I'd just like to share some things that have been heavy on my heart as of late.   Jesus told all of his disciples that they must drop everything, pick up their cross, and follow him.   I don't think I had ever grasped the full meaning of that statement until I found out I would be leaving my home.  So many times in life we have the chance to drop the world and pick up our Savior and we just settle for taking part of Jesus and still following our earthly desires.  Even now as I prepare to pick up my life and move it across the country there are earthly things that will be coming with it.  In this day and age to fully embrace our Lord is in my opinion extremely difficult.  So as you go about your day just think about what parts of your life you are truly doing for His Glory and what you are doing for yourself?

We all have so many idols in our lives that we may never realize that we are worshiping.  The opposite of Christianity isn't atheism, it's idolatry.  I'd encourage you to sit down and make a list of what the idols in your life are (thanks Kyle Hatfield) and see what you can do to make that change.

In closing I just want to reiterate how much I truly do love all of you and this song in the Eugene area may be beaten dead but it is amazing and is truly how I feel.

T-minus 20 days

Man this thing was much harder to set up than I thought it was.   Well hello friends,family, and all my brothers and sisters in Christ.  I am setting this blog up in the hopes that I can weekly give you updates on what is going on in my life.  What my prayer requests are and just a place where I can tell some sweet stories about my experiences(hopefully)

First Off I should let you guys know where I am headed to!

  I am headed Camp Grace which is located in the town of Roberta, Georgia.  It is about an hour and half south/southeast of Atlanta and has a population of about 1000 people.  I am not really sure of how close a vicinity the camp is to the actual town but I can see myself making a few weekend trips into town to check out the local culture.

The opportunity arose about a month and a half ago that I would actually be able to involved with camp.  An old friend Lucas Farmer( the Camp Director) had made a Facebook post about needing some summer staff and at the time I had a few options of what I wanted to do with my summer, but I really feel like God was calling me to do something out the box.   I contacted Lucas and over the next few weeks we started to actually iron out details and I really started to see that this was something I could actually do and not just dream about.  About three weeks ago we had some time to sit down and chat about what he saw me doing out there and everything about it just felt really awesome.

A day later I filled out the application and emailed it off to him and gave my reference forms to 3 guys I really could trust to be brutally honest about my ability to be out there.  So thanks guys for 1. doing that for me and 2.  getting it done quickly.  Anyways about a week later Lucas called me for a phone interview and over that hour I just felt a strange calm about everything.  At the end of the hour the conversation was winding down and I had myself ready to do some prayer and critical thinking about my chances of actually doing this when Lucas dropped a bombshell on me.  He offered me the job of Program Director on the spot!

At that point I honestly had no idea how I would be getting there, what exactly I would be doing, or where it would lead my life but I accepted the job right there. I have since booked my flight for amazingly cheap and been attempting to prepare my mind,body, and heart for everything that is going to be coming this way.

For the past six months I have gone through a period of such trials that I just would like to thank everyone who has put up with me and loved me in spite of all my downfalls in all of this.  You guys have truly shown me what it means to have a Family in Christ.  You have helped me pick up my cross and I hope in time I can help you carry yours as well.

This has been a long first post and I know it probably has been a pretty rough read through so thanks for sticking around long enough to read it all :)  Just a few things I would ask prayer for: preparation to try and share the Gospel with kids and people that desperately need it.  There are some family matters that I need to tend to and I would really ask for strength to lay down my wall and just love on my parents.  I'm not sure about my mother, but my dad is pretty hostile toward the whole Christianity thing and I just really want to be able to show them the love you and God has granted to me.  And finally some closure for some friendships that I have here.  I know for a fact that I have wronged quite a few people in my day and I know I need to try and mend some broken ties.  

Well that's my friends.  In the coming weeks I am hoping to spend a lot of time with you and others.  Even if you don't know me that well, call me, text me, I'd love to get to know you.

Blessings,
Nathan